Finding the Real Problem

Sometimes we think that the problem is them. It feels really true. If they just would stop spending money, then you could feel better. Or if they would just be a little more romantic, then you could feel better. Or if they just initiated intimacy more often, thenyou could feel better. It sounds reasonable. Others might even even agree with you. Yes, they might say, your partner spends too much money. Or should send you chocolates or pick wildflowers on the way home or hug you more often. But trying to get them to change so you feel better quickly becomes the real problem.

I have found a way to solve this problem: you stop trying to change them and you start changing you. You start by changing the way you think. That leads to a change in the way you show up. Which leads to a change in your relationships.

You get to change the relationship. And you feel better.